Today my youngest daughter is headed to the state BETA convention to represent her school in the performing arts category. Anyone who knows Halle Grace, knows that she is our “song bird.” She’s always singing and I promise there is no bias here...she’s REALLY good. But she’s terrified of singing in front of people. Especially several hundred people. We know all too well the pressure our young ones are under to be perfect. Their generation lives in a glass house where everything is seen. The slightest mistake can bring about laughter and teasing that lives on forever because of social media. Halle Grace doesn’t have a phone or social media, and that in and of itself creates grief for her among peers. I can only imagine what pressure she must feel to NOT mess up, especially knowing a good performance may launch her to nationals. 

We’ve known this performance would come for some time. To help encourage her to step into her fear with the gift God had given her, I began playing bass guitar again after 27 years. The church we attend needed a bass player and I thought it would be a chance to show Halle Grace we can do hard things. 

I had been engaged with music for most of my youth. I got my first guitar when I was about 6, began playing piano at 11, alto saxophone at 12, and both bari sax and bass guitar at 16. I borrowed the bass guitar from my cousin but returned it when I went off to college. I continued playing bari sax with the university marching band and a local funk band until I got married at 19.  

I’m 44 now and had forgotten how much I love to play. I hadn’t recognized that something of my heart died 25 years ago when I laid music down. I had the propensity to be cocky in my youth, and in a journey to maturity would say I was glad that I'm a “has-been that never was.” However, that’s not honoring to my heart, nor the gifts God has given me. I am glad that my young motives to play for my own glory have been thwarted. I’m equally glad that God is giving me the chance to grow up again in something I love as I father my beloved daughter.  

We know from John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...” My opportunities to play music had been stolen, my desires killed, and my skill destroyed. I’m so thankful Jesus, the Craftsman, is in the life-giving business of restoration. We believe that when good things of our story are stolen, killed or destroyed, Jesus will (when we let him) take us to those places and heal us there. Isaiah 61:1. However, we also believe that once we have broken and wounded places in our hearts healed, the Holy Spirit will lead us into opportunities to experience and grow in the things we missed. We get to learn with a healed heart. We get to grow up again, but this time in the Kingdom and experience the second half of John 10:10 “...I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” NASB1995

I’ve had an absolute blast playing bass again and really had no idea the effect it would have on my heart. Again, my hope was just to inspire my daughter and fill a need at church. Something awakened in me as I started to play and something came against me. The pressure to perform was there. I knew it had been a quarter of a century since I last played. 1) that’s a long time 2) when you start counting with the word “century” that makes you old.  

What awakened in me was delight. What came against me was fear. While practicing a song I dearly love, “Great I am,” I could not get the timing down. Playing the bass again, surprisingly, was like riding a bike. Reading chord charts, however, confused me at first. I was trained to read actual sheet music and playing a bass line from on a note positioned above a word didn’t make sense to me when you just read it on the page. In my frustration, I heard that still-quiet voice...” Play the sunset.” I smiled, took a deep breath and nailed it.  

I love the tender words of the Father. God was coming for my heart in just the way I needed, so that I could in turn, come for Halle Grace’s heart in the same way.  

My friend, Gary Brakalow , explores the concept of calling. He says this in his book “It’s Your Call,”

The discovery of what God has created us to do is a matter of asking, seeking, and knocking. The discoverable clues about who we are can be found only as we resist the shallows and prefer the deep. We are to be explorers and archaeologists, not tourists and visitors.”

Gary Barkalow, It’s Your Call 

In my youth, I stuck to the shallows. I played the shallows. My motives to play, to see and be seen were for my own glory. That is, the glory of my flesh. I am thankful my selfish motives were thwarted, yet I grieve the desires and passions of my true heart that were lost. I’m also thankful for a journey and exploration of my heart...time in the deep...where I’ve come to know Jesus more for himself and not just merely know about him. The more I’ve come to know the man Jesus, the more I’ve come to know myself, and thus the Father and the Holy Spirit.  

In his teaching on calling, Gary discusses the importance of letting the world experience the glory of your life. He says glory can be defined as “splendor, abundance, strength, beauty, or weightiness of a person or thing.” In other words, the glory of your life is God working IN you to reveal the goodness of his Kingdom in your world. While teaching this concept, Gary once used a clip from Mr. Holland’s Opus. The scene sees Gertrude Lang struggling with playing a particular song on her clarinet. Mr. Holland asks her if she practices, to which she responds, “I’m always practicing.” He then invites her to come by for an individual lesson where she still struggles. He stops her to ask, “When you look in the mirror, what do you like best about yourself.” She responds with, “My hair... My father always says it reminds him of the sunset.” Mr. Holland then says, “Play the sunset.” Gertrude smiles then proceeds to play flawlessly.  

When she shifted her heart from the performance, to playing to her father’s delight what was stored up in her was able to flow. When I heard that still small voice, “Play the sunset.” I smiled and proceeded to play “The Great I Am” flawlessly. I released the pressure to perform and replaced it with playing to my Father’s delight.  

This is now my new motive as I approach reentering the world of music...to play (and practice) to my Father’s delight. 

Halle Grace has always been our “Little Sunshine.” She always lights up the room when she enters. Her eyes twinkle like starlight and there is sunshine in her smile. The enemy knows this and is hell bent (literally) on putting out her light. She is our delight! And we combat darkness with the Light! (See John 1) In hopes to encourage her to let the world around her experience her glory... the splendor, strength and beauty of her voice, I showed her that clip, but then told her to, “Play the sunshine.” She knew what that meant and is facing her fear. Of course, I would be excited if she were to win the competition. She’s facing her fear so her glory may be shared with the world around her. That alone is delightful! 

I am glad the false motives of my youth were thwarted, and more abundantly grateful that Jesus has restored those places in my heart and is now giving me opportunities to grow up again in His Kingdom. Playing music again is life-giving. Preparation and practice are delightful as I spend time with the Father. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to teach and model this for my kids while they’re young. My hope and desire for them is to experience the goodness of God the first go around. That they would “Play the Sunset” from their youth, and never look back.  

What glory has been stolen in your story? Let Jesus take you there. Keep seeking. Keep knocking. Keep searching the deep waters of your heart. Look for opportunities to experience and grow in the Kingdom with a healed heart in those lost places.

For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost. - Luke 19:10 NASB1995