On this Valentine’s Day, the Lord has moved us to share a message of marriage that we are very passionate about…”The Trinity of Marriage.”

On July 22, 2018, I had the honor and privilege of officiating my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. When he asked me, my heart was overjoyed because I knew just exactly what I wanted to say. The problem was… I didn’t know how to say it. Lori and I communicate pieces of this message to anyone who will listen because marriage is the core of our ministry.

So much has been said through the millennia about “wives submit to your husbands.” We feel the design for this “submission,” which is intended to reference man’s submission to Jesus, has been missed through English translation, and misrepresented in teachings. Generation after generation of misunderstanding leaves the door open for the enemy to sow seeds of oppression and misuse in our marriages.

Over the last 8 years, God has been unpacking a great mystery for us in scripture, teaching, and revelation about marriage…one that has required long, often painful looks into ourselves as individuals as well as in our lives together as a married couple. Some of the themes surrounding the “trinity of marriage” can be very complex, difficult to understand, and difficult to communicate.  Paul himself even described it as a great mystery. If the apostle Paul says he would not even pretend to understand it all, then who are we to understand anything? As I was forced to compress this message into a 25 minute wedding ceremony, I sat down with my wife, my laptop and God in an attempt to unpack some of the great mystery of two becoming one. It’s more than just one flesh…It is a trinity made holy by Christ. 

I was honored to partner with Jesus in sealing up my brother and new sister into a bond of unity, not only in flesh, but also in Spirit…as equals in the Trinity of Marriage. What transpired in my brother’s wedding ceremony and the understanding received by those in attendance is too important to leave within those walls or keep within my notebook. Lori and I have sat down to present the message for any who might care to take a look into this great mystery that Paul describes.

Summary of the Great Mystery:

• Man and woman were created as two equal parts of the image of God. Satan, therefore sin, blew that up, yet marriage remained.

• The curse of the fall has kept woman oppressed under man, however, Jesus has restored the woman to her rightful place of equality in the kingdom of heaven, and on earth (when you bring the kingdom into your domain)…because the kingdom of heaven is at hand. See Mathew 10:7.

• Leave and cleave. You cannot complete God’s image in marriage and bring His kingdom in your own world when you’re still attached to the apron string.

• The trinity of marriage…1+1+1=1 (marriage began in Eden but was intended to be in Christ, and is perfected and restored through Him.)

• Spiritual warfare: There will be battles…suit up and pay attention. Most wedding ceremonies fail to mention anything about spiritual warfare and the war raged against this holy institution of marriage. It is easy to say “I do” on the day when you are in love. You must say, “we will” so that love will not be lost on the days in which the enemy attacks.

To best explain this message of the “trinity of marriage” and the great mystery Paul mentions, we feel it is best to go through the entire wedding service. Here is the blogified version of the ceremony notes…

Introduction:

In the story of creation, the book of Genesis speaks of a man leaving his father and mother to be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Paul, in Ephesians 5, references these same words as a “profound mystery” and correlates them to Christ and the church.

On this holy occasion of marriage, it is my desire to unpack some of this great mystery at the joining of this bride and groom…that their union would be made in the Kingdom of Heaven, sealed and consecrated in Christ, and that this bond cannot be broken.

• I asked the father “Who gives this bride in marriage?”

  • After the father gave the bride to the groom, I had them both face the audience, acknowledging the life, sacrifice, and prayer given for both of them by their families, which led them to this moment. 

•  Speaking to the audience:

  • Family and friends, please take a moment and give thanks for the time, journey, and blessings God has given each of you with the bride and groom up to this moment.

• Speaking to the bride and groom:

  • Please turn away from the audience and toward each other. (This turning away symbolizes the intentionality of leaving and cleaving)

• Speaking to the audience:

  • Now please lift your hands toward the bride and groom and your hearts toward God as we pray together to bless and release the bride and groom into their journey of unity in Christ.

Prayer:

• Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, El Shaddai, we come before you on this day to bless this union of this bride and groom. We bless this leaving and cleaving of their previous lives into one life with You. We pledge to mentor this new union and support them in prayer. We commit to helping them draw closer to You and closer to each other along their journey. We pledge to encourage and uplift them. Father, please bless this couple with the ability to remember the vows they will be making today on days when things get tough and to continually submit to Jesus and each other, dying daily to themselves. Most of all, help them to become more and more alive in Christ and to bring YOUR Kingdom, here on this earth, in their domain. Help them to recognize Your will for them and to bring Your fully revealed potential into this world to grow YOUR kingdom until death parts them or until you return to make all things new.  In Jesus name we submit, pledge, and pray, AMEN.

From this point forward, everything spoken was directly to the bride and groom.

You have now symbolically and literally turned toward each other and to Christ. This turn is a symbolic “leaving” that creates the weaving of your two lives into one. Your old life is now gone and you have entered into the process of “cleaving” with one another into your new family. Your unification with Jesus and with each other begins now. 

Message:

In Genesis Chapter 1 vs. 26 & 27, God speaks and says,

26 “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.”

27 So God created man in His own image;
He created him in the image of God;
He created them male and female.” HCSB

The chapter continues with God blessing them and charging them to rule and subdue; to be fruitful and multiply.  In all of creation God made the heavens and the earth, all that is above, below and upon the earth and said it was good. However, when looking upon the creation of man He said it was very good. This creation of man mentioned in Chapter 1, being very good, includes the creation of both male and female.

Genesis Chapter 2 offers a bit more detail regarding the creation of man and woman. The man, having been created in the wilderness, was then placed into the Garden of Eden and given charge to work and watch over it. In all of the creation story, this is the only time God says something was not good…that man was alone.

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” Genesis 2:18 HCSB

Now, we know that God exists in Spirit and in completeness. He is all, in all, and above all.  In these verses from Genesis we know that masculinity and femininity are equal parts of the image of God. The great mystery that Paul mentions is sewn into the creation of man and woman… He formed two physical representations of himself as the masculine and the feminine, and brought them together as one flesh. A complete image of God in the flesh through which He would create life!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!

Ezer Kenegdo are the words used in the original Hebrew to describe what God would make for the man. Our English translations fully miss the power of what God is speaking over Eve.  She is so much more than a “helper as his compliment,” “helper suitable for,” “companion,” or “helpmeet.”

Ezer was only ever used elsewhere in the bible in a military style for help or aid from God Himself to the nation of Israel and its meaning is “strength” or “power”.  Kenegdo means “corresponding to” or “equal to.” God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and knowing that man was created in the masculine likeness of God, He created a feminine likeness (the other half of God’s reflection) to complete the image of God in creation.

• For more on the original meaning of Ezer Kenegdo, a good book to read is “Half the Church: Recapturing God's Global Vision for Women” by Carolyn Custis James

When the man saw her for the first time, his heart was so moved that he began to write poetry.

 “…This one, at last, is bone of my bone
and flesh of my flesh;….” Genesis 2:23 HCSB

Genesis 2 then closes with this:

 “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.” Genesis 2:24-25

 Now for the great mystery…If man and woman were created as equal halves of one complete image of God, why did they fall and why did God allow it?

 It was exactly at the moment when man and woman were together as one flesh that Satan showed up in their story. Through the power and persuasion of selfish preservation and deceit, the enemy took them out. Eve who first ate the fruit, did so with her husband standing right beside her. She was not alone, but abandoned in the moment. They were both together and one full-physical representation of the living God, but didn’t have the strength to stand against their adversary who was not of their realm. As a result, we have traditionally viewed marriage and the role of the husband and wife through the lens of the fallen curse, which places the woman in a position below the man.

 “He said to the woman:

I will intensify your labor pains;

you will bear children in anguish. 

Your desire will be for your husband,

yet he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 HCSB

However, the truth in this mystery is that God had a far better plan in place. God knew all along Jesus would be sent as a sacrifice to reconcile, restore, and unify mankind to Them in Spirit and this would far surpass being one flesh. The model of unity in marriage was set in motion in Eden, but perfected in Christ.  

It is in marriage where man and woman are one with each other, a physical representation of God. It is in Christ, where man and woman, one in flesh, are one with God in Spirit. This was Jesus’ desire for us in John 17 where He prayed, “The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, So they might be one heart and mind with us.” This is a blessing of the Kingdom of Heaven that was not available to Adam and Eve. They were able to walk in relationship with God, but to walk in unity and oneness has only been made known and available to you (speaking to the bride and groom) through Christ. 

This perfect unity of flesh and Spirit offer you the ability to not only be a representation of God in flesh, but unified with Him in Spirit. You get to partner with God to bring His will and the portion of the Kingdom of Heaven He has for you to bring into your world.

Before declaring this a great mystery, Paul says this:

“22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.” –Ephesians 5 MSG

Paul continues in Ephesians 5 and clarifies that he’s talking about Christ’s marriage to the church…he’s referring to the church not only being the bride of Christ, but also one with Him as a part of his body…One in body and Spirit. Again, this being the model which God originated in the creation of man and woman, but fulfilled and perfected in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. It is in Christ that woman was restored to her place as the crown of creation.

Therefore, each of us being made in God’s image as either male or female, may come together in marriage in the flesh to complete the physical representation of the image of God. Which is a very good thing! However, it is our unity in Jesus which consecrates a holy marriage designed in Eden but intended in Christ…One of equality, filled with selfless sacrifice, love, and respect.

 Groom, you are created in the masculine likeness of God. Bride, you are created in the feminine likeness of God to be an equal and powerful counterpart to your groom. TOGETHER, as one complete image of God, you are to rule and subdue what God has for you in the Kingdom of Heaven and bring that into your world. THIS IS THE TRINITY OF MARRIAGE!

How is this done?

 Paul in Colossians 3:12-14 is speaking of the Christian life, but we now know this Christian life is a marriage to Christ. The same that holds true for the union of the church to Christ, holds true for your union together as husband and wife.

 “12 Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. 14 Above all, put on love—the perfect bond of unity.”

• Peter says in 1 Peter 4: 8- “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

• John says in 1 John 4: 18-19- “There is no fear in love…but perfect love drives out fear.”

• Proverbs 12:4 says: “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown…”

• Again, Ephesians 5:25-26 says:  “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.”

Remember in the flesh, Adam and Eve couldn’t stand against Satan’s scheme to divide them. Together in the Trinity of Marriage, you get to put on the full armor of God.

Finally, Paul in Ephesians 6 says…,

“be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. 12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. 13 This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. 

14 Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist,
righteousness like armor on your chest,
15 and your feet sandaled with readiness
for the gospel of peace.
16 In every situation take the shield of faith,
and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation,
and the sword of the Spirit,
which is God’s word.

18 Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request, and stay alert in this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.”

That last verse is the most important. It will do you no good to suit up in armor and not be alert and connected to the One from whom you receive the power to stand and fight.

In all of this, no man or evil can separate what God has brought together, but more importantly this will allow you to advance the Kingdom of Heaven in your world as one with each other and with God.

Now for this part of the ceremony, the bride and groom wrote their individual vows which they read to one another. It was beautiful and I cried! Then, they followed these readings with a unified vow below.                  

Wedding Vows

• With gratitude and thanksgiving, we take one another in Christ to complete the Trinity of Marriage God has set aside for us.

• We vow today to each other and God to lay down our life in Christ for each other, to journey into our life as one with a heart and posture of submission to Christ and to each other.

• We will be devoted to the process of being revealed as God has created and intended us to be.

• We commit today that we will NEVER abandon or forsake one another… when the world is crashing in on us or when all seems set against us.

• When the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, We will fight for each other with all of our existence. 

• We will work tirelessly and without selfishness to create a safe place for each other and our family.

• We commit to grow with each other in the love of the Lord so that we may not only be one in flesh, but one in Spirit with God.

• We vow to be honest, transparent, and to communicate with sincerity and to confess when we have sinned and stumbled.

• We will always choose to forgive all wrongs and will choose to trust each other and God for our future. 

• We take each other’s hand today, as we journey into the larger story…and the grand adventure that God has for us.

• If you agree to forever abide by these vows, please answer “We will.”

Exchanging of Rings:

With this pledge of unity to each other and to God, we will seal these vows with a physical symbol of that unity…the wedding rings.

Groom, repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness; and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Bride, repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness; and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

• The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 4:12-that:

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

• The passage in Ecclesiastes emphasizes the importance of Christian companionship, like marriage, which is stronger than being alone, but being bound in Christ, united in marriage in a covenant relationship with Him creates an unbreakable bond.

• This again is Jesus’ prayer for you in John 17, that you would be one in mind and heart with each other and with God.

 The bride and groom chose to represent their union in the Trinity of Marriage to each other and with God with a cord weaving ceremony. Additionally, to consecrate their covenant marriage and to reclaim what was lost of marriage in the fall, the bride and groom will seal this unity spiritually, by serving communion to each other.

After Cord Weaving Ceremony:

Bride and groom, look deep into each other’s eyes. Burn this moment into your hearts and minds. There will be many times in your marriage when you need to remember how you feel on this day. Remember the vows you’ve made to each other and to God. Remember the sacraments which seal you in Christ. Jesus said of them, “Do this in remembrance of Me.” What He means is to remember all He has done for each of you individually to bring you to this moment. You will have new memories of Him now that you are one. Remember them also. Remain naked to one another spiritually. Do not let shame have a foothold. Return to your vows often.

Rule and subdue. Be fruitful and multiply. (Everyone giggled, however, this wasn’t intended for only making babies, but rather to create together.) The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.  Partner with God and let the adventures begin!

 Brother, you may kiss your bride!!!

I’m honored to have officiated my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding, and to have been forced to finally put some of this down in writing. Our hope is that this inspires you to look inside yourself, and inside your marriage or relationship, and see where Jesus is speaking into and unpacking this great mystery in your life. We long for all who know Jesus and are married, to be able to truly be God’s complete image in their world.