Revenge Is a Boomerang
Photo from Flickr by Paleontour
Revenge is a boomerang.
The moment it leaves your hands, it begins making its way back.
It ultimately causes more grief and pain to you than to the ones to whom it is intended.
One of the subtle lies we believe after being wounded is that healing will come when the other person finally feels what they made us feel. We imagine that if they experience enough pain, enough loss, or enough regret, something inside us will finally be satisfied. Yet revenge never delivers what it promises. It may wound another person for a moment, but it leaves our own hearts carrying the weight—sometimes for years after the moment has passed.
The tragedy is that bitterness rarely remains between us and the person who hurt us. It spills into our marriage, our friendships, our parenting, and our relationship with God. We begin interpreting the world through the lens of our pain rather than through the love of the Father. What began as someone else's sin gradually becomes the atmosphere in which we live. The boomerang of revenge then becomes the enforcer that keeps us imprisoned in our pain.
The writer of Hebrews understood this danger when he wrote:
"See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." — Hebrews 12:15 (NASB)
Bitterness is described as a root because roots grow beneath the surface. It quietly shapes our thoughts, our reactions, and our expectations until resentment begins to feel normal. Before long, people who had nothing to do with the original wound begin experiencing its effects. We don't merely carry bitterness; bitterness begins carrying us. Fruit always reveals the root.
Jesus addresses the same reality when He teaches His disciples to pray:
"And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." — Matthew 6:12 (NASB)
These words aren't meant to make us question whether God is willing to forgive us. Rather, they reveal that those who have truly received the Father's forgiveness become people who extend that same forgiveness to others. Forgiveness is not payment for God's grace. It is evidence that His love has reached our hearts.
This is where many people become confused. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending the wound never happened, nor does it mean immediately restoring trust or returning to an unhealthy relationship. Scripture never calls us to ignore wisdom or abandon healthy boundaries.
As I wrote in The Outrider: Become the Man You Needed:
"Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with another person. Reconciliation comes only when both hearts are reconciled to God. Our union is found in the Father through the Son. Only from that place can true oneness and reconciliation ever exist between people."
Forgiveness is something we can choose because Jesus first forgave us. Reconciliation, however, requires two people who are both being reconciled to God. Sometimes reconciliation becomes possible. Sometimes it doesn't. Our responsibility is not to control another person's heart but to keep our own heart free from the poison of bitterness.
When we refuse to forgive, we continue carrying a debt that Jesus never intended us to collect. We become jailers only to discover we've been living inside the same prison as the one we've condemned. The Father invites us to release the debt into His hands, trusting that He alone judges with perfect justice, perfect mercy, and perfect timing.
Revenge always promises relief, but it returns carrying even greater sorrow. Forgiveness, though often costly in the moment, breaks the cycle. It releases us from becoming defined by what was done to us and allows us to continue becoming the sons and daughters we were always created to be.
The person who wounded you may never ask for forgiveness. They may ask for forgiveness while offering excuses. They may never acknowledge the damage they caused. They may acknowledge the damage they caused but never walk in repentance that bears the fruit of changed behavior. But your freedom was never meant to depend upon their repentance. It has always been found in your Father's invitation to release the debt and walk in the forgiveness that Christ has already secured for you.
In order for us to walk in the freedom of our forgiveness, we must forgive.
Don't wait until you feel like forgiving. That's asking the cart to pull the horse. Feelings make poor leaders but familiar companions. Let faithfulness lead, and your emotions will often follow as Jesus heals your heart. That's how God designed the horse and the cart.
The original language of forgive means "to let go." Where bitterness exists in you, forgive. Sing the song from a certain movie if you must, but don't stop there. Take your lament to Jesus. Tell Him the truth of what happened and how it made you feel. Let Him have it. Then allow His love and His grace to change the way you feel. Do this every time the wound resurfaces.
However, don't keep pulling the cart of bitterness, either. You can't run free while dragging the weight of resentment and shame behind you. The surest way to overcome bitterness is to starve it. Bitterness feeds on the debts we refuse to release. Every debt we surrender to Jesus leaves bitterness with less to feed on. That's why reconciliation can only be found in Him. We cannot be reconciled to another until we are first reconciled to the Father. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” — Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)
Boomerangs were never part of the armor God asked us to carry. Neither was bitterness a root He intended to grow in our hearts. Take your lament to Jesus. Release the debt. Then you'll discover that what felt like releasing someone else was, in fact, the Father setting you free. Stop throwing the boomerang. Drop it at His feet.
A Prayer of Letting Go
Father,
Thank You for loving me. Thank You for forgiving me. Search my heart and reveal any root of bitterness that exists within me. Help me to forgive as You have forgiven me.
I forgive _______________________ for what they did and for how they made me feel ________________________________________.
Jesus,
I release this debt into Your hands. I lay all bitterness at Your feet. Heal my heart and teach me to walk in the freedom of the forgiveness You have already secured for me.
Holy Spirit,
I pray for the heart of my offender(s), and I release them to You. Draw them into the heart of the Father. Lead each of us into reconciliation with Him so that, if reconciliation between us is possible, it may be born from the Father's love rather than our own striving.
In Your name,
Amen.
So be it.